“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul.” – Brigitte Nicole
While I don’t watch a ton of reality tv, there is one show I am borderline obsessed with: The Bachelor. Perhaps its the hopeless romantic in me that is always rooting for love. It could simply be my curiosity. Either way, I find myself glued to the television on Monday nights, and this season, the show has been quite thought provoking. I think many of us expected Becca K. to go back to her ex after he made the grand gesture of flying all the way to Peru to profess his undying love. I have to say, I was truly impressed with her for standing up for herself and not allowing a toxic relationship to re-enter her life, no matter the history or longevity. She was more willing to take a chance at a new relationship that isn’t even guaranteed. I think she set a great example to women watching who have struggled with letting go of the past.
Letting go is painful. But staying in a relationship that no longer serves you, elevates you, or propels you towards your dreams is excruciating.
Many of us are afraid of being alone. We desire to be loved. To have someone to check on us. To have someone to come home to. To have someone to text us “goodnight.” We want to be loved so badly that it can border on desperation. We feel lost if our loved one is absent from our life or routine for even a day.
However, what I’ve learned is that love just isn’t enough. I have been addicted to love, and to having someone to call my own. I have had the strange push an pull of conflicting emotions. On one hand, I wanted to belong to someone. On the other, I resented being tied down to anyone. I wanted love, but I also wanted freedom. I thought they were mutually exclusive. I didn’t realize I was attracting partners who were too insecure to encourage me to be me. They were not preventing me from being myself. I was allowing myself to be influenced by other’s emotions. I was so afraid of loosing love that I sacrificed every part of myself until I almost had nothing left.
I know the unknown is frightening. But is it really more ominous than the prospect of staying in the same relationship patterns that make you feel unfulfilled, unappreciated, and unhappy? You have more strength than you realize. Without it, you wouldn’t have gotten this far. As hard as it is to close the door to the past, I promise it will be one of the most liberating things you will ever do for yourself. And when you refocus your energy onto yourself; onto quality people and things that make you happy, you will be amazed at what happens next. Only by saying those hard goodbyes can we say “hello!” to something so much greater than we ever imagined.
If you would like the read more on this subject, here are a few books I have found to be inspiring: